Sunday, November 11, 2012

No TItle 103

Hey all.

Certainly from my few last post mentioned that I quit gaming. Well...on the process I just feel I don't have any better things to do. Some people do sports and stuff. Unlike me, always stay indoor and never really fond of the sunlight and always sitting in front of the PC.

Basically you can call me a... I don't even have the proper word to describe what am I. Hikkikomori perhaps? I only go outside when I have matters to attend such as studies, works and personal matters. It feels like my world is only inside my house and the only thing connected me to he outside world is my PC and my internet connection.

So, after I started my so called 'quitting game' period... I don't even know what to do anymore. Even I don't play games but that gamer community sense is still present. I can't stop reading gaming materials, watching videos and stuff. It is like games affected my life greatly.

I believe it lasted only for a week.. (or lesser).. Its not that I don't have any better things to do. Playing video games made me feel like I am more me. Especially when I played online games. I get to know a lot of people with different personality. Even though in virtual world, people still have time to dedicate themselves.

What interest me the most is to venture the world full of adventures! Online game such as Ragnarok Online really gave a big impact to me. We ventured dungeons together, having fun together, died together and never really feel we waste our time. Hanging out with friends and interact with them. Its just the world that I can't let go. I've played countless of MMO (massively multiplayer online) video games. I've seen bitter sweet in game, but in the end, we still have fun together. This is a community that I fond so much.. Even my term paper for diploma was based an online gaming community.

As for now... I don't think I can quit.. I can't even take a peaceful rest when it comes to gaming. Certainly I'm back! Right now I'm searching for the world I belong too. I did played a lot of MMO but I rarely stick around.. either because of technical problems or community problems. I am still searching for my desired community and my perfect MMO.

Somehow I don't know where to start because all of my games in my PC was deleted.

Monday, November 5, 2012

No Title 102

Hey all.

I'm thinking on a poem currently. I was thinking on writing something too. Like a story or something. Perhaps.. I think I would have a lot of time to write something now.

It never really away from me,
It still follows me here,
Wherever I go it still followed me,
It keeps haunting me,

I see myself staring the sky,
It is a dark raining and thundering sky,
I see myself fly,
Towards that eerie sky,

Is it really following me or I can't let it go,
Am I the one who desire such darkness,
Does my heart still covers in darkness,
Am I going to and fro?

Sunday, November 4, 2012

No Title 101

Hey all.

Its going to be a quick update.  I quit gaming. I have removed all the game I've installed except those Microsoft games (who cares about them anyway). The reason? Let's just say, they ruined my life really bad. That's all for now. see ya guys later.

Friday, October 26, 2012

We Do Cry Together

Hey all. Its already 1AM in the morning. I just can't sleep yet. I don't feel like sleeping. Anyway.. What am I going to talk about early in the morning like this? Well.. I don't really call it morning. Lets get straight to the point okay.

If you tell me now that whether I'm being regretful right now of what happened right now.. I would tell you the truth,,, which is no! I will never  regret any of this. I won't regret the fact that I met you and I get to know you. I will never regret being able to love someone to my heart content. I will never regret that I am also responsible to take care of you. I will never regret that we already reached a new level of our story. I will never ever regret that I chose you to walk this earthly path.

Deep inside me. I feel thankful that I met you. You showed me a bright side of life. You changed me to be a person that I never expect to be. I was trapped in the shadow cage but you brought a torch to cast the shadow away. I vow my oath to you. That I will always care for you. Remember you. Love you as I will always do.

I walked alone before.  I never walk alone after you came into my life. We tried to run but we tripped a countless of time. We pinned down to the floor and yet we still get up. We fall again and hard this time. We are trying to get up but slowly now because we can feel the feet on our head pushing us down. It is where we can't even raise our head and stare who are pushing us down. Tough. Very tough. Left us exhausted and helpless. Gave us sadness and despair. Lost in hope and future. Yet we try to build everything up. Still the foots upon our head still pushing us down.

Continue our journey. but not alone. Together.

Sunday, October 7, 2012

Love Letter XXIII


Stop crying when things turned sad,
Dry your tears as nothing ever happened,

Be strong as this path getting rough,
We must be tough,

Whatever blizzard stopped us from moving forward,
My hand will never stop holding you and move onward.

Wednesday, October 3, 2012

No Title 100

Hey all!

Somehow I manged to get this series running for quite some times now. IT IS THE 100TH POST OF WHATSOEVER NONSENSE I HAD IN MY MIND!!! Well, that means it has no title because it is a totally useless post.. or was it? Anyway, I can't remember what did I post under this 'No Title' series. 

No words in my thoughts that I can convert into writing lately. I'm not sure what is happening to me. I just feel like I don't have time for anything. Not even watching anime or reading manga or playing games. It feels like I'm too busy that I don't really into them all anymore. They are not my priority anymore. They don't bring me into moods or anything anymore. I lost my passion on them.

I can feel it. If I'm playing a RPG game right now, it feels like I would be down leveling myself. I don't know what I'm becoming right now. It feels like I have my own world now that I have to manage and develop. I have my own world to take care now and I have no time for anything else. It is more than a sense of responsibility. It is higher than that. It is a devotion and dedication towards my own world. I think about it above anything else.

Even so, when my world started to shake and crumble. It feels like I was thrown out by my own world and I keep falling down where nothing will catch me falling. That loneliness keep haunting me back because I'm powerless. Trying to reach back my own world and I managed to hold onto it.

That ended my randomly nonsense for this post. My life right now? Well pretty good... I think. A lot of things happening. I'll keep moving onward. Leaving all the unnecessary things behind. I just don't feel I have that 'anime comic games' life anymore. I should just left them all and proceed. That's all for now people! See you guys later on!

Monday, September 24, 2012

All I Want Is You

Hey all. A lot of things happened to me lately.. not only me of course. I believe, everyone have their own problems in life. Challenges in life. Hardship in life. No one can escape. Allah put us all under His trials. How do we overcome that counts.

No matter how hard is this Trial. I will never ever give up. No matter how unacceptable the situation is right now. I will always fight. I will try my best to help as any way I can. For me, Allah has given me the chance to love someone to the fullest. I will always hope that I can love you forever.

I know that whatever happened right now is because Allah Wills it. What ever that happened up until now is by His Will. All I can do is to accept. Still, I will not give up. I will always pray for you. All I want is you.

I hope that He will hear my prayer. I will not give up to believe that this is a Trial that will make us better together. This is only to strengthen our bond together. Every Trial came with its reason and I believe the reason is to make us better.

I will never give up and I hope you will never give up too. If we are honest and pure with each other, insyaAllah.. Allah will help us and I will never stop believing.

P/S:May everything goes well dear. :)